Thursday, February 23, 2012

Embracing Nature's Fury... A Continuation

More on that whole Tornado/ Nature's Fury biz.... 

A little background: I've had recurring dreams about tornadoes since I was a young child. They vary slightly from dream to dream... Sometimes there's just one. Sometimes there are many. Used to see them from an upstairs window where I grew up... Since moving out - they appear in various locales. Usually, the dreams originate when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It's like my subconscious mind ties my 'whirlwind' of events to this natural phenomena, as played-out in the dreams. You see - the primary consistency between these dreams has always been, for years & years, the fact that I see the tornado(es) coming, and try to warn those around me to no avail (stress). I can never seem to get them to believe me - or to take shelter quickly enough. For years, it had been my parents - rolling their eyes, as though I was dramatizing it, or making it up. Since my kiddos were born, I find I'm typically trying to gather them & my husband to a basement/ safe area (quite often my parents' basement, ironically) - and we're just panicked in that process to ensure the babies' safety. I never did get into any psychology courses, but I'm pretty sure this 'tornado' theme has much deeper meaning behind it.

I've always been fascinated by (and as a kid, was fearful of - until learning more about them over the years) ~ this force-of-nature. Thing is, I'm by no means a scientist. (Nor, an adrenaline-junky!) Regardless, they still fascinate - and I love watching the nature-vids on the tube, and would welcome the opp to trek along and photograph one from a safe, but nearby distance. 

But I began to realize something after I awoke around 4am last night, and jotted down the deets of my most recent tornado dream. There has been a real revolution with these! 

Mind you - I've been in the throws of some changes, and "stress"... However in this case, it just so happens to be positive. Happy-stress! But unfortunately, my stress hormones do not differentiate good vs. bad stress. (I'm pretty sure Cortisol is at the root of my tornadic night-time-visions!) Here's the good news: I'm no longer stressing-out over a feeling of people ignoring me, belittling my judgement, not trusting my instincts, etc.... These dreams are taking a turn for the good

Three nights ago - I had one of these dreams - only this time, I was out in the country - on a beautiful farm - preparing to shoot a wedding. Guests were being seated in the chairs in the outdoor garden, and the clouds were looking ominous. Everyone was holing-out hope that they might 'beat the weather' - and exchange vows before any storms set-in. As I was checking out the sky - I noticed a lot of rotation in those low-lying, dark clouds, and they appeared much like the early stages of a tornado - as we've seen on TV many times. I ran inside, asking kitchen staff if there was a basement in their building. I was directed to the door - and saw it was HUGE! So I ran back out - and the clouds were tightening up. I told Joel, who happened to be there for some reason, "I think this thing is developing into a tornado. We have gotta get these people inside." He asked if I was sure, and I said, "No - but it looks just like what we've seen..." He agreed. So we started yelling at everyone to hurry to the basement of the kitchen - quickly! As the last few people made their way down the stairs, followed closely by us, the twister touched-down near the garden. An aunt of mine who happened to be there as well asked, "How did you KNOW?" I said, "I didn't - but it resembled so much of what we've been watching lately - I decided to risk looking stupid - thankfully!" And wallah - First-time-ever successful avoidance of tornado during tornado-dream!

Last night, I was dreaming that I was in the heart of downtown MPLS - back at the old Federal Reserve Bank. (Another recurring NIGHTMARE! Will never be able to work in a call-center again. Don't even like talking on the phone. Emotionally scarred - for life.) So at first, it sounds stressful. Storms are brewing, and the sirens go off...The entire building in this dream happened to be comprised of GLASS (but of course!) - and the doors to the basement are locked. These doors are there just for emergencies such as this, and wouldn't you know it... the batteries (yes, batteries) that operate the locking mechanism of said doors are out of juice! Ha! (Oh - if my prior FRB Sup happens to read this - Jeff - FM isn't going to cut it this time! FM = "Fu@%!ng Magic" - as applied to rebooting computers that go awry - dubbed so by this heroic supervisor for whom I harbor a great deal of respect, and whom I miss. If you are reading this, thank you - by the way - for all of your support during the 'fed-years'!)

So - we see this thing whirling down the street toward the building - debris everywhere - and security personnel can't unlock the doors to safe-harbor. Suddenly I realize that my parents are both there (hello?) and my mom is looking very sad and nervous. She was using a cane (???) and was working there. I had helped her get the job! (Whoah.) Dad was there too - and was clearly frustrated and in disbelief that they couldn't get the doors to work. We didn't have much choice, so we and the others occupying the building began to hunker-down and huddle - getting as low to the ground as we could. I had mom sit down, and I tried to block her (as if she'd ever allow us kids to do something like that! But I DID.) I was half-expecting dad to hover around both of us, but he got close, and huddled beside us with a look that seriously said exactly these words, "Well... I guess this is it." (It was like I could read his mind!) So, I look over to see that it's inching closer and closer - random bits of building flying everywhere - and suddenly - and almost instantly - it completely disappeared!! I took a nice deep breath - (as I'd been holding it for a while) - and in relief and amazement - I gasped, "It's gone! It's DONE!" I immediately recognized the miraculous timing, and my mom smiled, and my dad did too - with a "well I'll be darned" expression. [Do you suppose there is still deeper meaning here? I would wager! Though honestly - not entirely sure where that came from. Still not so sure I've "proven" my ability to adequately navigate life in their eyes. But I'll take it - even if in dream-form!]

So - bottom line - If you keep at it - there's no need to prove yourself. You simply have to do what matters to you - and follow your heart - and let the rest fall into place... as seemingly, it will. And I'll tell you - as a mother - it was undeniably nice not to be worried about the safety of my babies during these two, most recent movies-of-the-mind!

TIP - for my babes, and anyone else who may benefit: Others won't always see you the way you'd like them to. Stick to your guns & be true to yourself, and let the universe handle that piece.
A QUOTE (or 3!):  
~ "Ah, beware of snobbery; it is the unwelcome recognition of one's own past failings. " ~Cary Grant
~ "All faith consists essentially in the recognition of a world of spiritual values behind, yet not apart from, the world of natural phenomena." ~Dean Inge
~ "All my writing is about the recognition that there is no single reality. But the beauty of it is that you nevertheless go on, walking towards utopia, which may not exist, on a bridge which might end before you reach the other side. " ~Marguerite Young
WHIDFML: Enjoyed a full 8-hour day of TRUE and total ME-time - LONG overdue. Definitely not a moment of it went by where I took it for granted... and I felt entirely FREE. I played with music, danced, enjoyed a (half-caff & half-price!) Breve, and basically performed no hard-core thinking for a whole day - woot! Zero responsibility. No interruptions. I must also say that I thoroughly enjoyed concluding the day with a goose, duck, and rapids-serenaded, solo walk along the river at sunset. (Gorgeous sunset!) Glowing trees & water... Glistening snow. NEED more days like this! Thank you very much.

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