Life...

"Our hopes & expectations.... Black holes & revelations...." ~Muse

The above song lyrics are indicative of life a lot of times...
(Music Vid can be found HERE)

Hopes & Expectations:

~ The family would be not only willing, but excited to watch the girls when we needed a date and/or a weekend (or longer) get-away

~ Determined to be free from depending on others for my own goal achievement/ happiness

~ Having children will be fulfilling and enjoyable, and you can do many things that you would normally do - "just with kids now"

~ I can make it through all of the time-sacrifice until the kids are both in school. It's only a short time in my life.

~ It's easier when it's your own kids...

~ Expected to be able to have more time to myself/ with Joel...

Black Holes...:

~ The family is out of town every weekend, the dynamic has dramatically shifted - at least on one side - and everyone's too busy on a regular basis...

~ Realizing that I've had to depend on people in order to have breaks away from being inundated with children 24/7. Creative problem-solving is a start, but doesn't babysit your kids for ya!

~ While fulfilling in one aspect, having kids means giving up so much of what is important to you in the beginning stages, that you have to work really hard to not give up who you are/ forget about what gives your life meaning/ joy... (in addition to the kids!)

~ The sudden realization that you have 2 more years until they are both in school full-time (allowing me some 'me-time', and more time to work on my photo projects)

~ Myla is "my own kid", and the most difficult child I've had to contend with - ever!

~ Been really hard to make time together sans-children and time for myself happen because of that whole need-to-depend-on-people-who-aren't-available thing...

...And Revelations:

~ Hey.... we can hire someone who loves kids to help out!

Most people don't get it... They have 1 (relatively normal/ laid-back) kid, or a nanny... or they have retired parents who are available to help... Or, they work outside the home - and so have regular child-care on hand... Sure, there are others out there who are with their kids consistently - and don't fit into any of those categories. Those people are either incredibly laid-back, don't have goals that involve keeping a connection with their spouse/ time for themselves - OR they don't give enough of a rip in the first place. 

But that was one revelation that can help! It hit me; Why don't WE get a nanny?! I don't think it's asking too much to want one or 2 days a week where I can depend on having some time to accomplish things for myself. I also don't think a few date-nights, and a couple of trips away are asking too much either - to remain fulfilled. Plus, it's good for everyone. The girls benefit from having parents who get to do things that make them happy in life. And so - I again realize that I do not need to depend on people for this... I can locate a person who specializes in this! Wallah! Let the nanny research begin!

Another revelation: I'm always the most actively looking to 'write' (aka: blog) when I'm in the very throws of complete & utter chaos!  Guess this is good therapy!

TIP: Writing can be good therapy! ;) Out-of-brain... onto-paper.
A QUOTE: "All earthly delights are sweeter in expectation than in enjoyment; but all spiritual pleasures more in fruition than in expectation." ~Francois Fenelon
WHIDFML: Let go of the pressure or expectation that in order to be a "good mom" - you have to either be there with your kids constantly - or leave them in the care of family. Time to find me some chosen 'family'!