Saturday, March 13, 2010
For Our Next Trick...
Seemingly - I spoke too soon. Wait... I take that back... I'm still in a much better place, and truly have found the freedom (and motivation) to meander back out into the world, even with 2 toddlers in tow. Revelation still applies; Common disciplinary tactics still in effect. However....
I've realized that Myla - with her need for constant control - is starting to slowly eat away at my innards. This child is not your average child. Oh no. Never has been, and apparently, never will be. The saga continues. One major contributing factor, I've come to recognize, is Joel's misconception that Myla has some special need for insurmountable levels of attention. While he does step up to discipline the little lady, his desire to continue coddling her remains unchanged.
Following a minor nervous break-down on my part, he finally seemed to really understand what I was getting at with this piece, and he's already shown vast improvement in his attempt to cushion all of her negative experiences. (See, with Myla, pretty much anything that doesn't go precisely the way she visualizes it - (every detail) - then becomes a 'negative experience'. She gets this from her dad - to whom I must give props - as he has come a long, long way in realizing that life is messy. It's much less stressful to choose your battles, and go along with the rest.) I certainly don't aim to blame him entirely - but I do believe that her ranting and very charged requests for 'daddy' all day long while he's at work, stem from this. I have come to recognize when she may need a bit of added cushion. (She is still only 3, after all.) But candy-coating everything for her isn't going to help her in the long-run - (or any of us!)
Addie is normal. She's an overall happy kiddo - She's smart, sweet, compassionate, sensitive... And she has her moments where she needs to stand up for herself (often against Myla's command), toss a tantrum, or otherwise test the waters of her growing independence. She eventually comes around, and generally wants everyone in the situation to be happy. We regularly give her options, and she seems to appreciate this approach. Her reactions are all normal, and to be expected. In fact, it's what I had always envisioned during this stage. Myla, on the other hand, will intentionally do the exact opposite of what you say - merely to spite you and maintain "control". She refuses to be told what to do (or not to do), and doesn't back down - EVER. No tactic seems to successfully retract a requested response out of her. Taking away shows, toys, treats, or other earned rewards... She could care less. Time-out. This she despises, but won't remain in her time-outs any more. She talks back, argues... She pushes every button possible. I can't begin to effectively describe some of the goings-on between she and I in our day-to-day.
ANYwho - to make a loooooong story short: I'm at my wit's end with enduring constant Myla-spasms, and I'm out of ideas for avoiding/ correcting them. If all else fails, I'm prepared to shower the world with our daily drama via Nanny 911.
So, we've survived the tidal-wave that was baby-drama, and have moved on to new and different issues. Such is life as a parent. At least this time, it is only with one of the two children... (though it affects us all indirectly in some way.) I don't mean to wish away a long-awaited summer season... but fall's preschool schedule is looking mighty appealing right about now!
I've always known (from birth) that Myla was "different". Not typical. This is appealing in many aspects... But when it comes to this control-battle... I'm the one in serious need of "TIPS"! (Or a Nanny intent on getting kids as such out of that mindset!) We'll see. Cheers to daddy for realizing the impact of his "overly-kind" (babying) ways, and stepping up to help me turn this kid around - before she hits those "tween" years! For our next trick................................. Now that nothing that has worked in the past seems to enable us to reinstate our position as the parents here, we'll need to unearth something entirely different... to compliment the 'different' child, and this new and different stage of growth. Suggestions are welcome!
TIP: If you notice 'special needs' - tackle them early on. Don't wait until you lose your sanity ;)
A QUOTE: "There comes a time when deceit and defiance must be seen for what they are. At that point, a gathering danger must be directly confronted. At that point, we must show that beyond our resolutions is actual resolve."
WHIDFML: I picked up some fun new eye-shadow on clearance. (Regular price would have been around $13... I paid about $2.60 for all 3 compacts!) How could I not??