I recall reading an article in a parenting magazine about this woman who had undergone a revelation after supressing her needs in the beginning of her mothering journey. She made mention of things such as the following: "I realized, I can still cook gourmet meals - I just have a baby now! I'm still ME." And, "I can still socialize with my friends, and go out shopping, just with a baby now!"
I felt even less adept at mothering after reading that, actually. Here I was, my optimistic self - trying desperately to see the light at the end of the tunnel on particularly difficult days, and making a point to seek the silver lining, and focus on how much I love these little people that God blessed me with. Yet, in spite of my positive thoughts and diligence in re-inventing balance in my life, I couldn't help but wonder, "Where the heck is MY revelation?"
Gourmet meals? HA! Out with friends... Hm! Not this girl... This girl was actually more stressed in her initial attempts at doing anything "normal" and "just with a baby now". While I still held out hope for some return to normalcy once the impending disarray subsided (SOME day), I had pretty much decided that "a revelation" was not in the cards for me.
But alas! It appears that my revelation was just hidden behind days, months, years... of learning to tackle disciplinary issues in coordination with my husband; maintaining communication with him through the shrieks, whimpers, and also the squeals of glee; managing 2 children close in age, equally needy, but with amazingly varied requirements; learning to balance babies, me-time, couple-time, work, house maintenance, daily responsibilities, exercise, eating, and sleep (all within 24 hours time each and every day!); re-establishing priorities in order to effectively refrain from going insane; and figuring out which things are temporary, which can be changed, and which things to suck up! (Hey - no wonder it took me a while.)
I've never felt more assured, more fulfilled, more priority-driven, or more confident in myself and my needs, as well as my wants in life. I'm making daily progress - making my way toward goals that are important to me, as well as my family, and I'm still learning and growing as a result. We finally seem to be past the true "baby-stage". I thought that might make me a bit sad... In actuality - I'm relieved, and I know that I was directly involved (probably more than I should have been) - and didn't miss out on any aspect of it whatsoever. Also - my passion for photography has enabled me to satisfy the sentimental fool within via literally thousands of photographs to take me back to the good times as often as I want! AHA - see - revelation! I feel so FREE! I can move around - get out of the house, cook (sometimes!), take them on adventures, go outside and play, (go outside and relax by myself when they happen to be with the retired grandparents for grandbaby day!) I can think... I can breathe... I am ME again! Only better, stronger, and even more focused on what's truly important.
Hahahahaha! Finally! It only took around 3-1/2 years. ('Bout damn time.) ;)